Suicide Love
by G.Storm59
Summary: Gokudera, a new exchange student, accidentally saves Yamamoto when he falls off the roof. Now, much to his annoyance, Yamamoto won't leave him alone! AU 8059 rated T for Gokudera's languange and smoking. It's always Gokudera isn't it?
1. Chapter 1

**(A/N) My first alternate universe story! I've never written an AU before so reviews are appreciated~ I got the idea for this when I was thinking of Yamamoto's suicide scene and I thought, "What if Gokudera was there?" and "What if he saved him instead of Tsuna?" And then this was born! So enjoy!**

"Everyone this is our new student, Gokudera Hayato, who has joined us from Italy."

I droned out the teacher as he went on to say to be nice to me and crap like that. Ugh, I was starting to forget why I came to Japan in the first place. Oh yeah, it was because of my father.

That bastard had actually tried to kill me quite a few times before I finally stowed away on a ship to Japan. He wouldn't chase me that far.

When I was finally allowed to take my seat, I sat next to some spiky, black haired guy who was fast asleep. I stared at him in distaste and then faced the board.

"What the heck? I learned this two years ago!" I thought, sighing and pulling out a book.

"Yamamoto!" The teacher called. "Yamamoto, stop sleeping!"

I looked around the room and, seeing that the guy next to me was the only one sleeping, I nudged him in the ribs. Hard. I got some satisfaction from seeing his head shoot up and the slightly wince in pain.

"What?" He asked, looking around with blurry eyes.

"Answer the question!" The teacher bellowed.

I sighed as Yamamoto got the question wrong and went back to my book. Yamamoto sat down and leaned towards me.

"Thanks for waking me up, new guy!" He whispered.

"My name isn't 'new guy'!" I snapped. "It's Gokudera!"

"Oh, well then thanks Gokudera!" He smiled at me and I was momentarily shocked. No one ever smiled at me like that.

"Whatever," I mumbled and went back to my book again.

I chewed on the end of my cigarette, appreciating the small time I got a break from the teachers. None of them could seem to get over the fact that I was a "smart delinquent" as they put it.

Suddenly, I heard screaming.

I looked above me and saw that some guy was about to jump off the roof. Depending on the amount of screaming, they must be pretty popular.

I exhaled my cigarette smoke and ignored the people on the roof. I knew how that guy felt. I had considered suicide before but convinced myself there must be something to live for. I guess that was another reason I was in Japan.

Anyway, someone had to tell that idiot on the roof that, but it wasn't going to be me.

Suddenly, a huge weight hit me and I blacked out as I fell to the ground.

I woke up to a blinding white light.

Grimacing in pain, I focused on the only dark think in the room which happened to be Yamamoto. My eyed widened. Wait, what?

"Oh, Gokudera are you finally awake?" He asked, getting up from his chair.

"What are you doing here?" I growled. I was surprised I actually had a visitor in the nurse's office.

"Well, I wanted to thank you!"

"What for? You already thanked me for waking you in class. Twice!"

"You saved my life! Don't you remember? If you hadn't been standing there, my suicide attempt would have worked!"

It took me a couple of seconds to comprehend what he had said. When I did, my eyes widened again.

"That idiot jumping off the roof was you?" I asked, shocked. "How could a happy-go-lucky idiot like you attempt suicide?"

"I guess it was pretty stupid!" He laughed. "I thought I'd lost the only thing I lived for. But I think I just over-reacted when I broke my arm playing baseball!"

I gaped at him.

"You know, I almost gained a smidgeon of respect for you until you mentioned baseball."

Well that caused him to crack up for about five minutes.

"Yeah, you just proved it was stupid!" He said when he finally stopped laughing. "But anyway thanks for saving me, otherwise I would have made the biggest mistake in my life!"

"And another thing," I glared at him. "How is it that you were the one falling off the roof and I'm the only one in a hospital bed?"

"You cushioned my fall! Because of you, I only broke my arm in a few more places!" He answered, smiling.

Only? Was this guy some kind of superman? I shook that thought out of my head. No, just some baseball idiot.

"Anyway, Gokudera, you don't have to stay in bed. They just put you there until you woke up. Although they said you were bruised all over so be careful when you sit up!" He said, staring at me as I sat up slowly.

"Shut up, I know the process. I don't need some baseball idiot telling me what to do!" I snapped.

"Aw, no need to be grumpy, Dera!" He laughed. I shot daggers at him.

"What the hell did you just call me? Dera? What kind of retarded nickname is that?" I shouted; wincing as pain shot through my body. I laid back down on the bed with a groan.

"I told you to be careful!" Yamamoto scolded me.

"And whose fault is this?" I spat. I carefully tried to sit up again and managed to make it to my feet. I tried to take a step forwards and almost face planted.

Yamamoto caught me before I hit the floor, so I was forced to lean on him.

"I don't need your help," I grumbled as we made our way out of the nurse's office.

"Yes you do~" Yamamoto responded. I harrumphed and fell silent.

People stared at us, some in relief and some in suspicion and confusion. The relief was obviously for Yamamoto's being alive. The suspicion and confusion was again for Yamamoto only they wondered why he was helping a delinquent like me.

I glared at said people and eventually they stopped staring at us.

When we got to the classroom, I pushed Yamamoto away. I didn't need to use him as a crutch anymore. As I walked to my seat, he called after me.

"Don't I get a thank you?"

"No, you don't," I replied. I sat and ignored him for the rest of the period.

**(A/N) Well, there's the end of the first chapter. I might not upload this one for awhile since I'm working on some others I want to finish first. So, please be patient! I'll finish it sometime! **


	2. Chapter 2

**(A/N) Getting into more of the main plot! You guys finally get some action! **

A couple days later I went up to the roof for lunch, not wanting to sit in a stuffy and crowded lunch room.

"Gokudera~" Someone called and I groaned.

"Leave me alone, baseball idiot!" I yelled at Yamamoto. Ever since I had "saved his life" (not purposely) he wouldn't leave me alone.

"Aw come on! Being alone is boring!"

Against my wishes, he sat next to me and opened his sushi bento. I immediately stood up and tried to leave but he pulled me back down.

"Don't be grumpy, Dera!" He said and I kicked him.

"What'd I say about calling me that? And I'm not grumpy!" I shouted and tried to storm off the roof but Yamamoto locked me in an embrace.

"What the hell? Let go, bastard!"

"Don't leave Dera! I don't have anyone else to eat lunch with!" Yamamoto protested, gripping me harder.

"What do you mean 'don't have anyone'? You're plenty popular!"

"Yeah, but I don't know them! And they're not my friends! The only friends I have are the baseball team and you!"

"Then go sit with the baseball team!" I snapped, getting tired of this argument. Why couldn't he just leave me alone? "And who said I was your friend?"

"But all they want to talk about is girls! And you're my friend because you saved my life and because I said so!"

"Oh, don't start that again!" I yelled, finally breaking free of his embrace and storming off the roof.

"Dera~~ Wait!"

That baseball nut was really getting on my nerves.

I sighed in relief as I walked home. Since that baseball nut had baseball, he wouldn't be around to bug me. My alone time walking home were moments I appreciated. How glad I was that Yamamoto didn't know where I lived.

Heading into my apartment building, I was immediately assaulted by two people at the same time. One knocked me to the ground in a glomp and the other one started yelling at me.

"Gokudera! You haven't paid your rent yet!" The landlady yelled.

"Give me a couple of days!" I pleaded. Then I groaned as the person who had knocked me down (and was still on top of me!) started speaking.

"Hi Dera!" Yamamoto greeted me.

"Are you stalking me? I thought you had baseball! And get off me!" I shouted.

"Gokudera! Get out of the doorway!" The landlady yelled. "Three days! That's all you get Gokudera. I've been far too nice to you already!"

"Thanks, Granny!" I said gratefully as I pushed away Yamamoto. "Now hurry up and leave baseball idiot!"

"Don't wanna~" He complained as he draped himself over my shoulders.

"What the hell? Get-!"

"Gokudera! Out of the doorway!"

"Sorry Granny!" I mumbled. Taking the only solution that would satisfy Granny without taking forever; I grumpily led Yamamoto up the stairs to my apartment.

"Money trouble?" He asked as I put my key in the lock of Room 12.

"Shut it. Not everyone has caring parents like you do to pay rent for them!" I pushed the door open and Yamamoto sprinted into the room as I tried to close the door in his face.

"Nice place you got here!" He stated, looking around and then finally settling on my couch.

"How did you know where I lived anyway?" I sighed, dropping my key on the counter and sitting in the chair across from him.

"I didn't. I was just walking home from baseball and happened to see you enter the building so I followed you!" He answered as if it was perfectly normal to follow someone into their house. But what did I know; maybe it was normal for him!

"So you admit to stalking me?" I accused.

"It's not stalking! I just didn't want you to be alone!" He protested.

"Maybe I like being alone!" I snapped.

"No one likes being alone! And besides, I can help you with your rent!"  
>"I do! And I don't need your help! I just need to get my paycheck tomorrow!" I barely restrained myself from punching him in the face.<p>

"Why don't you ever want my help?" He asked, dejected.

"If you had a past like mine, you wouldn't want people's help either!" I shouted, mentally kicking myself. Why did I tell him that?

"What happened?" Yamamoto asked, gaining interest.

"None of your damn business! Hurry up and get out of my apartment already!" I yelled. I was really angry now.

Yamamoto, realizing how angry I was, got up and walked to the door. However, he hesitated.

"Gokudera, I can't get the door open."

I sighed angrily and walked over to the door.

Suddenly, Yamamoto pushed me against the wall and, before I could protest, kissed me on the mouth.

I froze for a few seconds, my brain momentarily shutting down. When I regained my reason, I opened the door and pushed Yamamoto out. He stumbled a bit as I slammed the door in his face.

Slumping against the door, I wondered what had just happened. Someone knocked on the door and I started.

"Gokudera?" I heard the doorknob rattle and was glad that I'd locked the door.

Ignoring him, I walked into my bedroom and fell onto the bed. My brain felt fried.

What had just happened?

**(A/N) Ooh, cliff hanger! XD Sorry, you should expect those from me! You shouldn't have to wait too long for the next chapter since I'll be writing more Monday. See ya, and thanks for reading! **


	3. Chapter 3

**(A/N) Chapter 3! After the kiss and how Dera's dealing with it. Tsuna finally makes an appearance! **

The next day, I skipped school. I wasn't ready to face Yamamoto since I couldn't even face the fact of what had happened yesterday. I tried to ignore it, so I could pretend that it'd never happened. That was harder than I thought it was going to be. It was almost like I didn't w_ant _to forget about it…

I slapped myself. Get that thought out of your head!

For the first half of the day, I wandered restlessly around my apartment. I was so distracted that I couldn't even get engaged in my U.M.A. magazine. Finally, I just decided to go to work early and get my paycheck.

I worked at a small convenience store which was where I got my cigarettes. It was low pay, but it was the only store I could find that hired people under eighteen. And it was just enough to pay for rent and food. Barely. I had to greatly reduce the number of cigarettes I had so that the pack would last until I got some extra money. Which wasn't often.

There wasn't a day gone by that I didn't curse my father for making my life so hard. So hard that I couldn't even have a good supply of my stress-relievers.

But you didn't hear me complaining (well my father did but who cares about him?). Unlike that stupid baseball idiot…

I slapped myself again. I promised myself that I wouldn't think about Yamamoto today!

Focusing on the store in front of me, I opened the door and headed to the back where my boss would be.

My boss was a nice person named Sawada Tsunayoshi who often took pity on me. I always felt like I didn't deserve it, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. He would give me extra money sometimes when I needed it for my rent, telling me to make it up later. He also gave me a free cigarette when it looked like I really needed one. Like today, for example.

"Hey boss. I came for my paycheck," I said, opening the door to his office. "I can also work extra today, if you want me to."

"Hey Gokudera-kun. Why aren't you in school?" He looked up and immediately started digging through a drawer.

"Err… something happened and I uh… thanks," I stuttered, taking the cigarette he offered me gratefully. I put it in my pocket to smoke later when I got off work.

"Why aren't you in school, Gokudera-kun?" Sawada-san repeated, filling out my paycheck. He insisted everyone call him "Tsuna" but I wasn't comfortable with that, so I called him "boss" or "Sawada-san".

"There's someone I can't face because of something that happened yesterday. I'm avoiding them until I can get my thoughts straightened out," I finally said. Sawada-san was just really easy to talk to.

He nodded and then handed me my paycheck.

"How's your rent?" He asked, knowing better than to ask what happened.

"Fine I guess." I shrugged. "I'm paying but just barely."

"Been eating well?" I smiled ruefully.

"You know I haven't."

Sawada-san sat back in his chair, arms behind his head.

"I guess I can find work for you, Gokudera-kun, if you really don't have anything better to do."

I nodded eagerly.

"No, no, no! Anything but this!" I panicked, hiding my head behind a newspaper.

Boss had given me the job of working as cashier, which I enjoyed on every day except today. Two hours after I had started working, the doorbell dinged and Yamamoto entered the store. I'd panicked and hid my head behind the newspaper.

"Please leave without buying anything!" I pleaded silently.

But the gods weren't with me today.

"I'd like to buy these, please," Yamamoto said, coming up to the cash register.

I hid behind my newspaper, unresponsive, not knowing what to do. I glanced hopefully at the back of the store, hoping Sawada-san would come out and help me. But he didn't.

The gods really hated me today.

Sighing, I put down my newspaper and rung up his items: two bottles of milk and a bottle of sake. A small "oh" escaped his lips.

"800 yen*," I said, not looking at him.

"Are you avoiding me?" He asked, pulling out yen from his pocket and counting it.

"No," I lied. "I had to work today."

"Then why were you hiding behind that newspaper?" He asked, handing me the money. I recounted it, just to be sure. I didn't suspect Yamamoto to be the kind to rip people off, but you never knew.

"I wasn't hiding! I was reading it!" I snapped, putting his items in a bag and handing him the receipt.

"Look I'm sorry okay?" He said as I picked up my newspaper and pretended to read.

"Just leave me alone."

I heard him leave the store and I put down my newspaper. I laid my head on the counter with a sigh.

Eventually I heard footsteps and I sat up, thinking it was a customer. But it wasn't. It was Sawada-san.

"Was that the person you were trying to avoid?" He asked as I laid my head back on the counter.

"Yes," I mumbled, my voice muffled by the counter.

"Sorry I couldn't help you out. I had to deal with a delivery." He put a hand on my head. "I think you should take the rest of the day off."

I nodded, not in the mood to argue, and left the store. Once outside, I lit my cigarette and took my time walking back to my apartment.

When I finally did get back to my apartment building, I regretfully put out the little but of my cigarette that was left and entered the building. I found Granny and paid the money I owed her.

"Sorry it's late again."

"It's fine Gokudera. I know how hard it is to live on your own at fourteen. And I'm hesitant to throw you out, but if you can't pay there's nothing I can do," she said, accepting the money.

"I know, Granny."

"You smell like cigarettes! Have you been smoking again?" She laughed, punching my arm lightly.

"Only smoke to annoy you, Granny," I grinned. It was a little inside joke of ours.

"Who was that boy that visited you yesterday?" Granny asked, changing the subject.

My grin faded and I started up the stairs to my apartment.

"Yamamoto," I answered over my shoulder.

"Oh. Because he looked pretty sad when he left yesterday."

I paused briefly but then continued on my way.

"Don't want to talk about it Granny."

Once inside my apartment, I got some instant ramen for dinner and checked my phone for messages. I do this purely out of habit; I mean, who the hell would call me?

So, I was shocked and raged to see I'd gotten a text message from Yamamoto. How the hell did that bastard get my phone number?

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have invaded your apartment and then… well you know. You don't have to come to school tomorrow but I want you to. It's no fun without you and I miss you," read the text message.

"Still can't leave me alone?" I texted back but truthfully I appreciated his text. No one had ever missed me before.

***800 yen is equal to about ten American dollars.**

**(A/N) Well that's it for today! I'm just going to say this now: Tsuna is ten years older than Goku and Yama in this. Just saying so none of you are thinking that a fourteen year-old is running a convenience store! XD Next chapter is the last one. I'm glad this chapter is slightly longer than the other ones. I've been setting a goal to write longer stories, so wish me luck! **


	4. Chapter 4

**(A/N) Final chapter! Gokudera's final thoughts, Yamamoto's confession, and an unexpected visitor. **

I ended up going to school the next day, after a lot of thought, but I didn't talk to Yamamoto. I caught him glancing at me a lot but, other than that, he left me alone. Which I was grateful for.

At least until lunch.

"Hi, Dera!"

I sneered and turned my back on him. Why couldn't he stay like he was this morning? He sat down next to me and opened his bento. I tried not to look at it but I hadn't eaten breakfast or brought lunch. This was what usually happened after I paid the rent; having a shortage of money and food.

"Where's your lunch, Gokudera?" Yamamoto asked, chewing on his rice.

"Not hungry," I lied, looking away from the bento.

"Want some of mine?" Yamamoto asked, apparently ignoring what I'd just said.

"No," I stated firmly, but my stomach betrayed me. It growled so loudly that the head-prefect, Hibari Kyoya, probably heard it three floors down.

"Here, Dera!" Yamamoto laughed, splitting his bento in half.

I was hesitant to try it, but when I finally did take a bite it was so good that I craved for more. But I hid my emotions.

"Gross," I said, ignoring the rest of the bento.

"Haha can't lie Gokudera! I could tell from the first bite that you absolutely loved it!"

Grumpily, I finished my share of the bento.

"Your dad makes good bento," I said once I'd finished.

"He does! But I made this!" Yamamoto smiled and laughed at my expression. "Didn't want to compliment me, huh?"

Well, I couldn't take this anymore.

"Why do you act like nothing happened?" I shouted. His smile faltered and he looked down at his hands.

"Because I don't want to lose you," he said so softly that I almost didn't hear him.

I didn't know what to say to that, so I asked, "Why?"

Yamamoto just shook his head sadly.

"If you don't know already, then there's really no point in me saying it. You wouldn't want to know."

"Know what?" I was getting frustrated.

"That I love you!" He shouted. I took a double blow. What he said and how he said it. Yamamoto had never raised his voice before.

Standing up, I left the roof. Yamamoto didn't try to stop me.

He was right. I didn't want to know.

* * *

><p>The only place I could think to go to was to work.<p>

After Yamamoto's confession, my brain was in turmoil.

I was confused. How could Yamamoto love me? Of all people, what about me did he like? I was defiant. He couldn't possibly fall in love with me in such a short time after we'd met. And what was he to me? Annoying! Plus we were both boys!

But a small part of me was proud. Proud that someone could love me. Proud that of all people, Yamamoto chose me.

That was the part of myself that I couldn't face. The part that suggested I could love him back.

So, not knowing what to do, I went to talk with Sawada-san. He was the only one that I could to talk to about these things.

"Boss?" I opened the door to find my boss arguing with some tall men in suits. When they turned around, I froze.

"Gokudera-kun! Get out of here!" Sawada-san shouted. "I'll cover you!"

Sawada-san pulled some gloves out of his pocket and I ran.

Exciting the store, I wondered where to go. I couldn't go to my apartment, too obvious. Not the school…

There was only one place I could think of, and I wasn't happy about it.

* * *

><p>Takesushi was a very neat and very crowded restaurant when I entered. I was breathing heavily, for I had ran the whole way, when I went up to a person who I assumed was Yamamoto's father.<p>

"Is there a back?" I panted. Yamamoto's dad looked surprised.

"Yeah, but…"

I walked away, for I had seen Yamamoto. And he had seen me.

"Gokudera?" W-what are you doing here?" He stammered.

"Take me to the back of the store," I demanded.

Yamamoto led me to the back of the store, having noted my heavy breathing. He had realized not to hesitate.

We went up some stairs that led to a hallway with a few doors. We took the first door on the left. Not to my surprise, it led to his room which (again not surprising) was baseball themed. Yamamoto motioned me to take the only chair while he sat on the bed.

Ignoring him, I sat next to him on the bed which seemed to surprise him.

"Why are you here?" Yamamoto asked again.

"Hiding," I stated.

"It was too much to hope you were here for me, huh?" He sighed.

"Maybe. I haven't straightened it out yet," I said, staring at my fists.

He stared at me. I met his eyes and immediately regretted it. He had hope in his eyes.

"What are you hiding from?" He finally asked.

"My past," I stated vaguely. He raised an eyebrow so I added, "My father."

He looked shocked but didn't ask any more questions.

"Hold on a minute." He suddenly got up and left the room.

He came back a minute later and I stared at him suspiciously.

"Told Pops not to tell anyone you were here," he told me, sitting on the bed again.

"T-thanks."

We fell silent and I suddenly felt unbearably tired. My eyes drooped and, without meaning to, I laid my head on Yamamoto's shoulder. He flinched but didn't move and I could almost feel the heat rising to his face.

I smiled and fell asleep.

* * *

><p>I woke up to banging.<p>

My head shot up and I momentarily panicked when Yamamoto wasn't next to me until I saw him by the door. He was sitting against it as if trying to keep it closed.

The banging came again and I knew what was going on.

Yamamoto looked at me. Noticing I'd woken up, he mouthed one word, "Go."

My heart wrenched. Behind that door was my father; a merciless Hitman who wouldn't hesitate to kill Yamamoto even, if he was uninvolved. And Yamamoto knew it. He was willing to risk his life for me.

"No," I mouthed back and sat against the door with him. He looked at me, pleaded me with his eyes to go. I grabbed his hand.

"I love you," I mouthed and I kissed him.

"I'm not going without you," I breathed when we broke apart, our faces millimeters away.

He nodded and a mutual understanding went between us.

We ran to the window. We held on to each other as we broke through the glass and fell to Earth. We both landed on our sides but, other than being winded, were unharmed.

Still holding hands, we ran off into the horizon.

**~THE END~**

**5980/8059**

**(A/N) Aw, Hibari trolled at the end! XD I feel like the ending was kind of rushed, but other than that I'm very proud of this little story. :) Thanks to all that stuck with me and read to the very end! **


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